After a sleepless night, we made our way to our appointment to check my fluid levels. It seems that with these babies things start changing pretty quickly towards the end, so I was hoping for the best, but also well aware that we may get bad news today. And so we did. Last week my fluid levels were at 7, today they had dropped down to 5.
We spent some time with the doctor discussing our options, none of which are ideal. We have decided to return to the doctor again on Friday to check my fluid levels. If they have remained the same, the induction will be scheduled for Monday. If the levels have gone down even more by Friday, then the induction will most likely be sooner. There is always a chance the fluid levels could increase, but the doctor prepared us that that may not happen since they have continued to go down this past week.
All in all I would say I am pretty crushed. I knew the day of meeting Asher was coming, but I am not ready. And this is not how I envisioned everything playing out. A typical baby without a chromosome abnormality born at 36 weeks would most likely be fine. However, due to the special circumstances, being born this early is not ideal for our sweet Asher, he is going to have a hard time. Given that the induction may take a while because I am still only 36 weeks could also be too much for Asher to handle. All of this is breaking my heart. I want to meet our little boy, I want to get a chance to hold him and love him while he is still alive. Please continue to cover our family in prayer, we need it in the upcoming days and weeks. I know that God is in the midst of this and He is preparing the way for us. But even still, we are scared and unsure of what tomorrow will bring.
We have spent most of the morning and afternoon today making phone calls and scrambling around trying to get details squared away. Our families are in the process of changing plane tickets and rental cars. I am trying to prepare myself in whatever way I can and get as many logistics worked out as possible. We're thankful for friends who have already said they would help in any way that they can, especially with our sweet, wild, Micah.
We are thankful for each and every one of you and so appreciate your faithfulness and commitment to praying for us on this journey. I will update as we know more in the coming days.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Sunday, June 22, 2014
I Got the JOY
Happiness: the state of being happy; an experience that makes you happy; a pleasurable or satisfying experience.
Happiness is...
A delicious almond joy latte
An afternoon spent in the warm sun relaxing at the beach
Seeing the ocean outside of your window
Curled up on the couch with a good book
A rainy day that forces you to be lazy and stay inside
My husband coming home from work early
The feeling I get when the house is all clean
Shopping
A new haircut
Bedtime stories with Micah
A big bowl of ice cream topped with rainbow sprinkles
My husband making dinner
A massage and pedicure
Receiving a card in the mail
Micah Micah Micah
Two furry dogs greeting you when you come home
FaceTime with family
All of the above things make me one happy girl, among a million other things I'm sure. However, happiness is fleeting. Happiness comes and goes. Sometimes it stays for the duration of your cup of coffee, other times it lasts for days or weeks. There's no telling when it will hit you, or why it will hit you, but the feeling of happiness will come.
It will also go away, then what happens? When your world comes crashing down in front of you, where do you turn? Do you still feel happy? Do you throw in the towel? Do you turn into a miserable person? Do you self-medicate? Do you feel angry? Are you depressed? Can you be happy in the midst of darkness?
My perfect, content, happy, comfortable little world came crashing down on me just a few months ago. The days I have endured thus far have been the hardest days of my life. People call me strong and say they don't know what they would do if they were walking this journey. People say I have a positive attitude and that our story is encouraging and uplifting, but still they don't understand how we do it. I got one word for you.
JOY...not to be confused with happiness.
So what is this joy thing? Remember this song from sunday school when you were a kid?
I got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart...down in my heart to stay.
The important thing about joy is that it is always present. It is not fleeting, it is here to stay. The best way I can create an image of joy is this: Since we received Asher's diagnosis, our world has changed. The grief process started, the tears came, and they still do come quite often. I still struggle with what all of this means, but at the end of the day, I have a peace that passes all understanding. I don't feel like I should have this peace about Asher because the what could be is truly heart wrenching. But it is a total God thing, this peace feeling is one that I have heard of, but never truly felt. And here in the middle of the storm, I have that peace over flowing in my heart. I have this feeling that no matter what happens, everything is really going to be okay. I have this inclination that I do not need to worry, that some One much greater than me is in control. I have this feeling that even in the midst of all this darkness, something beautiful will come from all of this pain and sorrow. And that is what I call joy in my own personal life. I am happy about plenty of things in my life right now, but there is also a lot that has rocked me to my core, a lot that makes me unhappy and confused, but that is all okay. I know deep down that I will be okay.
Happiness can and will be stripped away. When it is taken away, it forces us to our knees and that is where we find the meaning of true joy. That is where we find this "thing" that will keep us going. So where is your joy coming from?
Alright here is the latest with sweet Asher boy. Today marks 35 weeks. Last week at our appointment my fluid levels were quite low. Typically at the point in pregnancy, the levels should be between 12 and 14cm, mine were measuring at 7cm. At 5cm is when they start to get concerned. This could be due to Asher's kidneys. His kidneys have always looked a little different and a little enlarged on ultrasounds, so that could be why my fluid levels are appearing lower. With that said, we will be going back on Wednesday to check them. Please continue to pray for us and that my fluid levels would go up so we do not have to be induced earlier. We are not ready to meet our little guy, we know that the longer he can thrive inside of me, the better off he is. Please continue to pray that Asher keeps fighting. I was pretty crushed after the appointment the other day. I feel like we have made it this far without any real complications, it was painful to hear that things were not going as well as they had been. Please pray for Sam and I over the next few weeks as there are A LOT of emotions swirling around. Please pray for our time with Asher, it is our ultimate goal for him to be born alive and to be able to spend some time with him. Please pray for any decisions that may need to be made as far as Asher's care. Thank you, we cannot thank you enough for the prayers.
Happiness is...
A delicious almond joy latte
An afternoon spent in the warm sun relaxing at the beach
Seeing the ocean outside of your window
Curled up on the couch with a good book
A rainy day that forces you to be lazy and stay inside
My husband coming home from work early
The feeling I get when the house is all clean
Shopping
A new haircut
Bedtime stories with Micah
A big bowl of ice cream topped with rainbow sprinkles
My husband making dinner
A massage and pedicure
Receiving a card in the mail
Micah Micah Micah
Two furry dogs greeting you when you come home
FaceTime with family
All of the above things make me one happy girl, among a million other things I'm sure. However, happiness is fleeting. Happiness comes and goes. Sometimes it stays for the duration of your cup of coffee, other times it lasts for days or weeks. There's no telling when it will hit you, or why it will hit you, but the feeling of happiness will come.
It will also go away, then what happens? When your world comes crashing down in front of you, where do you turn? Do you still feel happy? Do you throw in the towel? Do you turn into a miserable person? Do you self-medicate? Do you feel angry? Are you depressed? Can you be happy in the midst of darkness?
My perfect, content, happy, comfortable little world came crashing down on me just a few months ago. The days I have endured thus far have been the hardest days of my life. People call me strong and say they don't know what they would do if they were walking this journey. People say I have a positive attitude and that our story is encouraging and uplifting, but still they don't understand how we do it. I got one word for you.
JOY...not to be confused with happiness.
So what is this joy thing? Remember this song from sunday school when you were a kid?
I got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart...down in my heart to stay.
The important thing about joy is that it is always present. It is not fleeting, it is here to stay. The best way I can create an image of joy is this: Since we received Asher's diagnosis, our world has changed. The grief process started, the tears came, and they still do come quite often. I still struggle with what all of this means, but at the end of the day, I have a peace that passes all understanding. I don't feel like I should have this peace about Asher because the what could be is truly heart wrenching. But it is a total God thing, this peace feeling is one that I have heard of, but never truly felt. And here in the middle of the storm, I have that peace over flowing in my heart. I have this feeling that no matter what happens, everything is really going to be okay. I have this inclination that I do not need to worry, that some One much greater than me is in control. I have this feeling that even in the midst of all this darkness, something beautiful will come from all of this pain and sorrow. And that is what I call joy in my own personal life. I am happy about plenty of things in my life right now, but there is also a lot that has rocked me to my core, a lot that makes me unhappy and confused, but that is all okay. I know deep down that I will be okay.
Happiness can and will be stripped away. When it is taken away, it forces us to our knees and that is where we find the meaning of true joy. That is where we find this "thing" that will keep us going. So where is your joy coming from?
Alright here is the latest with sweet Asher boy. Today marks 35 weeks. Last week at our appointment my fluid levels were quite low. Typically at the point in pregnancy, the levels should be between 12 and 14cm, mine were measuring at 7cm. At 5cm is when they start to get concerned. This could be due to Asher's kidneys. His kidneys have always looked a little different and a little enlarged on ultrasounds, so that could be why my fluid levels are appearing lower. With that said, we will be going back on Wednesday to check them. Please continue to pray for us and that my fluid levels would go up so we do not have to be induced earlier. We are not ready to meet our little guy, we know that the longer he can thrive inside of me, the better off he is. Please continue to pray that Asher keeps fighting. I was pretty crushed after the appointment the other day. I feel like we have made it this far without any real complications, it was painful to hear that things were not going as well as they had been. Please pray for Sam and I over the next few weeks as there are A LOT of emotions swirling around. Please pray for our time with Asher, it is our ultimate goal for him to be born alive and to be able to spend some time with him. Please pray for any decisions that may need to be made as far as Asher's care. Thank you, we cannot thank you enough for the prayers.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
The Inside Scoop
When I started this blog a little over a year ago, we were in the process of some serious changes. We had a new baby and we were traveling across the country on our way to Hawaii. I envisioned this blog as a place where I could share what we were doing all the way out here with our friends and family. A place where we could share our stories and experiences, a place where we could share the beauty of our new home. Obviously, this blog has turned in to so much more than just that. Our lives have drastically changed and there is so much more to share on here than I could have ever imagined. I guess it got me thinking recently about why do I blog and what is this all about. I think some people think blogging is dumb and it is people who have no lives and just like to sit around and brag about what they are doing and how wonderful their families are. Hmmmm, let's see, I will be the first to tell you that my family is wonderful and I would not be where I am today without any of them, but that is far from the reason I decided to blog more. And do I have a life? Well, yes I actually do! I spend my days caring for a rambunctious toddler who never stops moving! I don't get a whole lot of free time just to myself, but when I do, I try and make it productive for me. And part of me being productive is writing this blog.
So why do I do it?
I blog because it is therapeutic for me. It helps me to get my thoughts and feelings out in writing because a lot of times what I am feeling or thinking is hard to actually say. It is a lot like journaling, except I am not keeping them private, I feel it is beneficial for everyone to see the ins and outs of our struggles, and the steps we have taken to work through them.
I blog for my sanity. I spend my days with an 18 month old who is extremely cute and extremely active. He keeps me going, in more ways than one, and I love him dearly for that. He wears this momma out. He speaks his own little language and is all about anything relating to cars, trucks, airplanes, or helicopters. So needless to say, we do not have many truly meaningful conversations. Yes, I spend time with friends, but they are mommies too! We spend our time together changing diapers, chasing kiddos, on the edge of our seats, correcting, encouraging, supporting, and teaching our children. It is hard to have a serious conversation in the midst of all the chaos, so this blog is one of my outlets. Probably helps my husband too because some days I feel like I do not shut up when he walks through the door. Ahhhh adult conversation, I know you all know what I am talking about!!!
I blog because somewhere out there is a dear family walking this same journey that we are walking. A family who is unsure of how they are going to make it through the day. A family who has no clue where to go from here. I write this blog for them, in hopes that our story can be an encouragement for them. I pray that our story will reach those that need to hear it because unfortunately we are not the only ones that will have to walk this path of the unknown.
I blog because these are the happiest days of my life. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for and it is so important for me to focus on all that I do have, rather than what I do not have.
I blog because this is one of the scariest and darkest times of my life. I am terrified of what is to come and I hate not knowing what the next few months will bring.
I blog because most do not know what it is like to walk down the road we are walking. I want people to know how it feels to be in our shoes, not so they feel sorry for us, but so they can support us. And support those around them who may one day walk in our shoes. No one wants to talk about all this scary stuff, but it needs to be talked about and thats why I share our story. I share our story so you think about what you say to a pregnant woman who is carrying a baby with a chromosome abnormality. I share our story so you can love her for who she is and what she is doing.
I blog because we have hope. No matter what the medical world tells us, or what the insensitive doctor tells us, we have hope and will never lose hope.
I blog because God is doing something pretty amazing in the lives of our sweet little family out here in Hawaii.
I blog because we want all of our friends and family to know specifically what is going on. It is hard for Sam and I to tell everyone what is going on. It is so much easier for me to get on here and write it all out, so we do not have to continuously repeat ourselves.
I blog because we all have our battles and trials. Mine is not any harder than yours, but it is how we handle these battles that matter. I share my story so people can relate, so people can find encouragement, so people can find strength to face their own storm.
I blog because you are all near and dear to our hearts and we want your support. I strongly believe in the power of prayer and I share our story so you can pray for us and pray for our sweet Asher.
I blog because I want to remember every step of this journey. There are days where I go back and read my blog from the beginning because some times I just feel like I am in a dream and don't believe it is all real. The past few months have flown by, but in so many ways feel like they have dragged on. Regardless, I do not want to forget any part of this process. There is a perfect little boy growing inside of my belly, a boy who we created and gave life to, a boy that will forever and always be a huge part of our family. Despite all of the emotions that have been wrapped up inside of me the past few months, the greatest is love. I couldn't be more in love with Asher, he continues to bring us so much joy and laughter, despite all that is going on. He has shown us the true meaning of love and how important is to really love those around us.
Carrying Asher has been such a blessing. One of the hardest things I have ever done, but I would not trade it for anything in the world. It was extremely important to me to have a family photo session done while I was pregnant because I wanted to capture us how we are right now. We are smiling in these photos and happy together as a family, but I know that the emotions go so much deeper. And I wanted to hold on to those memories forever. These may be the only pictures we have of the 4 of us together, which makes them so near and dear to my heart. I opted to get them taken sooner rather than later in the pregnancy because I just do not know how many days we have left with our sweet little boy. I wanted to share a few of my favorites on the blog because this is a place where I am keeping our journey. A place where one day I will want to and need to look back on this journey. A place where one day Micah will be able to read and see the the story he was a huge part of. A place where I can clearly see how God is at work in our lives and using us in a mighty way. A place where I can just be real and not worry about what people will think. A safe place filled with so many emotions and lessons, a place that I am forever grateful for.
So why do I do it?
I blog because it is therapeutic for me. It helps me to get my thoughts and feelings out in writing because a lot of times what I am feeling or thinking is hard to actually say. It is a lot like journaling, except I am not keeping them private, I feel it is beneficial for everyone to see the ins and outs of our struggles, and the steps we have taken to work through them.
I blog for my sanity. I spend my days with an 18 month old who is extremely cute and extremely active. He keeps me going, in more ways than one, and I love him dearly for that. He wears this momma out. He speaks his own little language and is all about anything relating to cars, trucks, airplanes, or helicopters. So needless to say, we do not have many truly meaningful conversations. Yes, I spend time with friends, but they are mommies too! We spend our time together changing diapers, chasing kiddos, on the edge of our seats, correcting, encouraging, supporting, and teaching our children. It is hard to have a serious conversation in the midst of all the chaos, so this blog is one of my outlets. Probably helps my husband too because some days I feel like I do not shut up when he walks through the door. Ahhhh adult conversation, I know you all know what I am talking about!!!
I blog because somewhere out there is a dear family walking this same journey that we are walking. A family who is unsure of how they are going to make it through the day. A family who has no clue where to go from here. I write this blog for them, in hopes that our story can be an encouragement for them. I pray that our story will reach those that need to hear it because unfortunately we are not the only ones that will have to walk this path of the unknown.
I blog because these are the happiest days of my life. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for and it is so important for me to focus on all that I do have, rather than what I do not have.
I blog because this is one of the scariest and darkest times of my life. I am terrified of what is to come and I hate not knowing what the next few months will bring.
I blog because most do not know what it is like to walk down the road we are walking. I want people to know how it feels to be in our shoes, not so they feel sorry for us, but so they can support us. And support those around them who may one day walk in our shoes. No one wants to talk about all this scary stuff, but it needs to be talked about and thats why I share our story. I share our story so you think about what you say to a pregnant woman who is carrying a baby with a chromosome abnormality. I share our story so you can love her for who she is and what she is doing.
I blog because we have hope. No matter what the medical world tells us, or what the insensitive doctor tells us, we have hope and will never lose hope.
I blog because God is doing something pretty amazing in the lives of our sweet little family out here in Hawaii.
I blog because we want all of our friends and family to know specifically what is going on. It is hard for Sam and I to tell everyone what is going on. It is so much easier for me to get on here and write it all out, so we do not have to continuously repeat ourselves.
I blog because we all have our battles and trials. Mine is not any harder than yours, but it is how we handle these battles that matter. I share my story so people can relate, so people can find encouragement, so people can find strength to face their own storm.
I blog because you are all near and dear to our hearts and we want your support. I strongly believe in the power of prayer and I share our story so you can pray for us and pray for our sweet Asher.
I blog because I want to remember every step of this journey. There are days where I go back and read my blog from the beginning because some times I just feel like I am in a dream and don't believe it is all real. The past few months have flown by, but in so many ways feel like they have dragged on. Regardless, I do not want to forget any part of this process. There is a perfect little boy growing inside of my belly, a boy who we created and gave life to, a boy that will forever and always be a huge part of our family. Despite all of the emotions that have been wrapped up inside of me the past few months, the greatest is love. I couldn't be more in love with Asher, he continues to bring us so much joy and laughter, despite all that is going on. He has shown us the true meaning of love and how important is to really love those around us.
Carrying Asher has been such a blessing. One of the hardest things I have ever done, but I would not trade it for anything in the world. It was extremely important to me to have a family photo session done while I was pregnant because I wanted to capture us how we are right now. We are smiling in these photos and happy together as a family, but I know that the emotions go so much deeper. And I wanted to hold on to those memories forever. These may be the only pictures we have of the 4 of us together, which makes them so near and dear to my heart. I opted to get them taken sooner rather than later in the pregnancy because I just do not know how many days we have left with our sweet little boy. I wanted to share a few of my favorites on the blog because this is a place where I am keeping our journey. A place where one day I will want to and need to look back on this journey. A place where one day Micah will be able to read and see the the story he was a huge part of. A place where I can clearly see how God is at work in our lives and using us in a mighty way. A place where I can just be real and not worry about what people will think. A safe place filled with so many emotions and lessons, a place that I am forever grateful for.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Joy and Tears
Life has been pretty quiet lately and I am extremely thankful for that. Sam took off a few days this past week, so we were able to soak up lots of time together as a family and bask in the beauty of Hawaii! Our days have been filled with botanical gardens, water falls, kayaking, beach time, house projects, birthday parties, playgrounds, friends, and just plain hanging out being lazy. We attempted kayaking in the bay the other day just to see how Micah would do. We ended up staying out for an hour and a half and had a really good time! The marina is near the hangars and flight line, so as we were out on the water the helicopters were coming in right over our heads. It was pretty awesome to see and Micah had a huge grin on his face the entire time! The past few days have been so nice and so needed. I think we both were started to feel worn down and really exhausted with everything that has been going on. I am feeling rejuvenated and ready to kick of a new week. Yesterday Sam treated me to a massage and today I got to sit on the beach and relax while the boys played in the sand! It was wonderful.
Last week we had an appointment with the pediatric cardiologist whom we are so grateful for. He had looked in our file and saw that we named our son Asher. The fact that he looked in to that and brought it up to us showed us how much he truly cared. He treated us like we were humans, but most importantly he treated us like he truly cared for our sweet Asher. He stated that he changed his perspective years ago in regards to babies with chromosome abnormalities. He understands that some very well do beat the odds and he has been able to witness that first hand. He said he would do whatever he needed to support us and I know that is completely true. We even shared with him our terrible experience with another doctor and he apologized for that and recommended another doctor who may be better suited for us. He definitely was going above and beyond what he needed to do. So thankful for wonderful doctor's who truly care about their patients.
As far as Asher's heart, he has a VSD, or ventricular septal defect, which is a hole between his lower chambers. This is something that will not cause him any trouble at the time of delivery, currently his heart is working perfectly fine and is not having to pump extra. This is something that would require surgery a few months down the road, and if the time comes, that is something we will deal with. For now, we are holding on to the fact that his heart will give him no trouble when he is born!
Our main concern lately has been when? When will things happen? And we brought this up with the cardiologist, despite the fact that he isn't our OB doctor we felt comfortable talking to him. We stated we wanted our families to be here when Asher is born, but we don't know how to go about that. He mentioned about being induced and that this would need to be discussed with the team of high risk doctors at their next meeting. Again, he went out of his way and said he would bring it up at the next meeting!
So fast forward a week, we called in and got the word that the doctors all agreed to schedule an induction at 39 weeks, which will be July 20. Praying that Asher keeps fighting! An induction is not ideal, I would much rather go in to labor naturally, but we feel an induction is best for us. Sam and I need our parents to be here for more reasons than one. We need their love, their support, their encouragement, their presence. We need them here to meet their sweet little grandson. And we need them here in the event that we need to make some really hard decisions, we do not want to do that alone. So with that said, we are so grateful that all of our parents will be flying in on July 16 and 17. Already knowing that they have booked their tickets had brought me a great sense of relief. Also a great sense of fear because I want all of this to work out, despite the fact that I have no control over it.
Life has been filled with so many joyful moments lately, but also so many tears. We have discussed birth plans and what we want to do in different situations. It is hard, never in my wildest dreams would I think I would have to be having this conversations with my husband. We have started the process of contacting funeral homes so we are better prepared. I know to you that may sound absolutely crazy, but we are strong right now, and I know that if we lose our sweet little boy, we will be so thankful that these arrangements have been taken care of ahead of time. We are also trying to prepare ourselves for whatever is to come, and that means we would like to be prepared financially for all of this as well. So instead of planning a nursery and picking out little outfits, we are forced to talk about scary things and make really scary phone calls. This is real and may be hard for you to read or understand, but this is our life.
It is scary knowing that things can change drastically any minute or any day. However, we have chosen not to live in fear and are continuing to move forward. I am over joyed that I am 32 weeks today, our time with this sweet little boy is precious! I am enjoying every jab, flip, and kick he makes, he sure does make me smile! And I know he is loving every minute of spending time with his family, especially Micah.
Thank you for the prayers, please continue to pray for our little family! This little boy may be small, but he is making such a difference in so many lives, and that brings us so much joy. Please pray for strength for Sam and I, as every day seems to get a little harder. Please pray that Asher would keep thriving! Please pray for a miracle for our sweet little boy who we love so much!
Last week we had an appointment with the pediatric cardiologist whom we are so grateful for. He had looked in our file and saw that we named our son Asher. The fact that he looked in to that and brought it up to us showed us how much he truly cared. He treated us like we were humans, but most importantly he treated us like he truly cared for our sweet Asher. He stated that he changed his perspective years ago in regards to babies with chromosome abnormalities. He understands that some very well do beat the odds and he has been able to witness that first hand. He said he would do whatever he needed to support us and I know that is completely true. We even shared with him our terrible experience with another doctor and he apologized for that and recommended another doctor who may be better suited for us. He definitely was going above and beyond what he needed to do. So thankful for wonderful doctor's who truly care about their patients.
As far as Asher's heart, he has a VSD, or ventricular septal defect, which is a hole between his lower chambers. This is something that will not cause him any trouble at the time of delivery, currently his heart is working perfectly fine and is not having to pump extra. This is something that would require surgery a few months down the road, and if the time comes, that is something we will deal with. For now, we are holding on to the fact that his heart will give him no trouble when he is born!
Our main concern lately has been when? When will things happen? And we brought this up with the cardiologist, despite the fact that he isn't our OB doctor we felt comfortable talking to him. We stated we wanted our families to be here when Asher is born, but we don't know how to go about that. He mentioned about being induced and that this would need to be discussed with the team of high risk doctors at their next meeting. Again, he went out of his way and said he would bring it up at the next meeting!
So fast forward a week, we called in and got the word that the doctors all agreed to schedule an induction at 39 weeks, which will be July 20. Praying that Asher keeps fighting! An induction is not ideal, I would much rather go in to labor naturally, but we feel an induction is best for us. Sam and I need our parents to be here for more reasons than one. We need their love, their support, their encouragement, their presence. We need them here to meet their sweet little grandson. And we need them here in the event that we need to make some really hard decisions, we do not want to do that alone. So with that said, we are so grateful that all of our parents will be flying in on July 16 and 17. Already knowing that they have booked their tickets had brought me a great sense of relief. Also a great sense of fear because I want all of this to work out, despite the fact that I have no control over it.
Life has been filled with so many joyful moments lately, but also so many tears. We have discussed birth plans and what we want to do in different situations. It is hard, never in my wildest dreams would I think I would have to be having this conversations with my husband. We have started the process of contacting funeral homes so we are better prepared. I know to you that may sound absolutely crazy, but we are strong right now, and I know that if we lose our sweet little boy, we will be so thankful that these arrangements have been taken care of ahead of time. We are also trying to prepare ourselves for whatever is to come, and that means we would like to be prepared financially for all of this as well. So instead of planning a nursery and picking out little outfits, we are forced to talk about scary things and make really scary phone calls. This is real and may be hard for you to read or understand, but this is our life.
It is scary knowing that things can change drastically any minute or any day. However, we have chosen not to live in fear and are continuing to move forward. I am over joyed that I am 32 weeks today, our time with this sweet little boy is precious! I am enjoying every jab, flip, and kick he makes, he sure does make me smile! And I know he is loving every minute of spending time with his family, especially Micah.
Thank you for the prayers, please continue to pray for our little family! This little boy may be small, but he is making such a difference in so many lives, and that brings us so much joy. Please pray for strength for Sam and I, as every day seems to get a little harder. Please pray that Asher would keep thriving! Please pray for a miracle for our sweet little boy who we love so much!
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| Lounging, reading his book |
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| Playground fun! |
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| Walking through the botanical gardens |
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| Sweet Micah boy! |
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| It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood |
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| Feeding the ducks |
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| Reading with mommy |
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| Playing in the sand |
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| Checking out the waterfall |
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| Waimea Falls |
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| Good morning! |
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