The New Normal

Last week Sam and I sat in a white walled room talking to a complete stranger about how we were feeling and coping with all that has been going on.  Ring a bell to anyone?  Yup, we were chatting with a psychologist, which was suggested as something we do per our doctor.  So we hesitantly agreed not knowing what we were getting ourselves in to.  As many of you know, or maybe you do not know, but prior to being a mommy I was a drug and alcohol counselor.  Day in and day out I heard story after story of people struggling.  People who were broken people, desperate for someone to talk to and actually listen.  What a humbling and eye opening experience it is to be on the other side of the desk.

We spent a lot of time talking about the grief process, which at first wanted to make me tell the guy that he was absolutely crazy to be talking about this when my little baby is still alive and kicking inside of me.  I bit my tongue and went with the process.  He further explained that the grief process is one that can be applied to all types of situations and circumstances in life.  In our particular case, we are grieving the diagnosis, a diagnosis of trisomy 13, not what we would have ever dreamed our sweet little baby to have.  He shared with us the benefit of being conscious of these steps so we are able to see where we are in the grief process and keep ourselves in check.  We also spent a good deal of time talking about people and how people mean well in what they are saying, but things often do not come out of their mouths that way.  Ahhhh isn't that the truth?  We are all guilty of this one for sure!  I am overly sensitive and take things way too personally, this is something I am working on because I know it brings me down.  Anyways, please do not be afraid to say something to us, we know you all mean well and really we have no idea what to say either.  We are just taking things one day at a time.  This is our new normal, this is our life.  Our life will continue to go on, but we are forever changed by our sweet Asher, and I know the changes are going to keep on coming.  We are so thankful that you are sharing in this journey with us!

We spent Thursday afternoon meeting with our pediatric cardiologist followed by the genetic counselor.  This doctor has been such a blessing to us!  He tells the facts, but in a manner that is so genuine.  I know that he cares about our Asher.  He specifically said that he will not treat Asher any differently based on his diagnosis of Trisomy 13, this was very comforting to us.  Anyways, after many pictures of Asher's heart, the doctor seems to think that he still has a hole in his heart that would require surgery down the road.  At this point, just looking solely at his heart, Asher would have no problem at the time of delivery.  A huge praise is that the blood flow through the umbilical cord to and from the placenta looked completely normal, whereas just a month ago it didn't look good.  That means that Asher is getting what he needs and we pray that he will continue to grow and develop.  God is good, He is the mastermind here.

The genetic counselor has opened up her office to us and just allows us to chat with her for as long as we need.  We talked about Asher and what plans we have for him and how we are coping with everything.  She is a sweet lady and has been nothing but helpful and supportive.  It is nice sitting down and chatting with her because she knows the details of Asher's diagnosis so instead of people asking us questions, we are able to ask her questions and get some good feedback as well.  Thank you God for placing such wonderful doctors and people into our lives during this time.

I am 23 weeks and still going strong!  I am starting to really feel pregnant, which is both scary and exciting at the same time.  Scary in the way that time is quickly moving by and we will soon know what God has planned for baby Asher.  Scary in the way that strangers have started to ask me about the baby in my belly.  Exciting in the way that there is a baby growing in my belly!  Exciting in the way that God has entrusted us with this baby, how amazing is that?  Exciting in the way that every day is a blessing and another day we get to spend with our sweet little boys.