Wednesday, February 26, 2014

One Day at a Time

When I first started this blog a year ago, I envisioned it to be a place where I share all of our wonderful adventures of this beautiful place we call our home.  Hawaii is still absolutely beautiful and we totally love it here, but our life here just got a whole lot more complicated and because of that a whole lot more meaningful.  A week ago our biggest concern was what to make for dinner, how to keep an energized one year old from climbing on top of the kitchen table, and when is the sun going to finally come out again.

A week ago, I got a phone call from one of the midwives, a phone call that I will never forget.  One that I have replayed in my mind over and over again, wishing I was making it up.  She called to inform me that my quad screen had come back abnormal, meaning that our little baby is at risk for Down's Syndrome.  She explained that this does not mean our baby has Down's Syndrome, it just means that the chance is greater.  And this is when our whirlwind started.  Sobbing, I called my husband at work to tell him the news.  He too did not know what to say or think.  We were advised to call the doctor and schedule an ultrasound.  This was a Thursday, we had to wait until Monday to go to the doctor to find out more.  So much of what we read said that false positives are common and not to be worried that everything would be okay.  I tried reminding myself of that over and over again.

And then the ultrasound began...Soon after the nice lady began, the doctor came in and began looking at some of the images.  Immediately he identified that our sweet little baby had an extra digit on both of its hands.  He also was able to see that baby's heart had an abnormality.  Our whole world came crashing down right at this moment.  I had no idea what any of this meant, but I knew it wasn't what I envisioned for our child.  It was not the perfect little baby I had imagined bringing home from the hospital in a few months.  It was not the baby I dreamed of for our perfect little family.  The doctor gave us lots of information, most of which I cannot even recall because I was still trying to grasp the fact that there was something seriously wrong with our baby.  I wanted to run out of the building and never look back.  I wanted everything to go away and our lives to go back to normal.  The next step was to see a pediatric cardiologist in just a few short hours.

We walked out of the office with tear filled eyes and picked up Micah from the daycare.  Oh Micah, I am so grateful for this lovable, goofy, happy boy.  He brings so much joy to our lives, even when we do not know what the future holds for baby number 2.  I scooped that little boy up and gave him the biggest hug, I didn't ever want to let go.

We made a few tough phone calls to our family and informed them the seriousness of what we were dealing with.  Thank goodness for such wonderful family.  They may be thousands of miles away, but they have given us so much support and encouragement over the past few days.  In a lot of ways, they have kept us going.

We dropped Micah boy off at a friends house and back to the hospital we went.  A pediatric cardiologist? Is this real life?  Geez, I didn't even know doctors like this existed.  The doctor was wonderful, he made us feel comfortable.  He talked about our baby like he or she was going to live and was going to one day be running through our house and climbing on tables, just like Micah.  This was comforting to hear, just knowing that he believed there was hope for our little one.

The diagnosis:  Baby has atrioventricular canal defect.  This means that the baby only has 2 chambers, whereas we have 4 chambers in our heart.  The heart is working and pumping, but between 3 and 6 months of age, the baby will need open heart surgery.  The doctor was extremely positive about this diagnosis and said he has plenty of patients who have undergone this surgery and are normal, active children.

Comforting, yes, but this mom is still not convinced.  There is still talk of Down's Syndrome, and even Trisomy 13 or 18 (Down's is Trisomy 21).  Nothing has been confirmed and we are anxious for more answers so we can prepare for the future and what is best for this baby.  We will most likely be getting an amniocentesis so that we can receive some conclusive results about what we are dealing with, and so we can better prepare for what's to come.

The past week has been somewhat of a blur and we have our moments of okay we can do this, and other moments where it just feels like this is all too much.  We have received so much love, support, and encouragement over the past few days and that totally has warmed our hearts and brightened our spirits.  This little baby (we have a feeling it's a girl) is so loved already!  I am standing firm that God chose us to be this little one's parents and he trusts us to care for and love them just as we would any other child.  And that is just what we are doing.  We are praying constantly that God would be at work in this situation, in every aspect, and hope that you will join us in praying for our little one.  We have no idea what the future holds, but for now, we are taking it one day at a time, and loving this sweet little one as much as we can.

I honestly do not care if no one reads this blog, but I know writing my thoughts down is going to help me deal with all that has been put on our plate.  And with our friends and family being so far, this helps keep people in the loop.  Please continue to pray for us, we are so scared, but trusting in The great Physician.

God has such a subtle way of reminding us He is on control.  This picture was taken on our way home from our first ultrasound about a month ago, before we knew there was something wrong with our baby.  It was absolutely beautiful, but now it takes on such a greater meaning then just beauty.  This was God already letting us know that He was at work in this baby's life.  

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