It has been one month since we said hello and see you soon to Asher. My heart still aches for Asher and my arms still long to hold him again. The pain is still so raw and most days I feel like I am on a roller coaster.; life without him is so hard. This is the letter I wrote to the little boy who changed my life and made me a better mommy because of it.
I found out I was pregnant with you on your brother’s first birthday. I couldn’t wait to FaceTime with your daddy and tell him the news. We were overjoyed to say the least. From the minute I saw those two faint lines on that test I was so in love with you. And with every passing day I loved you even more.
As the road got rougher, you got stronger. The doctors gave us the option to terminate the pregnancy and we knew that was not an option, we knew that God had a bigger plan for you. A bigger plan than I ever imagined. I knew your dad and I were chosen to be yours parents and love you like we would any other child. The medical world said you were not compatible with life, but your kicking in my belly told me otherwise. You my sweet boy were such a fighter and you fought until the end.
I miss you more than words can say; I will always miss you. I will miss hearing your heart beat. I will miss those mornings watching Thomas with Micah on my lap and you kicking in my belly. I will miss your little face and those tiny little hands. I will miss watching you dig in the dirt and play in the ocean. I will miss the sound of your voice. I will miss teaching you how to play lacrosse. I will miss hugging and kissing you. I will miss watching your grow up. I will miss watching you and your daddy work on cars together. I will miss being your mommy and kissing all of your boo boos. I will miss reading stories and praying with you. I will miss teaching you how to ride a bike. I will miss your smile and the sound of you laughing. I will miss the pitter patter of your feet upstairs. I will miss watching you play along side your big brother. My heart aches thinking of all the things I will miss about you.
I’m not sure why you had to go so soon; I will never understand that. But it brings me comfort knowing your short time with us here on earth was so meaningful. I pray that you know how much you are loved by all of us, and how your life has impacted us all. You were sent to us for a reason and I am forever thankful for you. You taught us more than you will ever know. Thank you for teaching us how to love with no limits. Thank you for reminding us how special this life is and that none of it should be taken for granted. Thank you for teaching me to be strong and fight. Thank you for opening my eyes and my heart. Thank you for inspiring me to write and reach out to others. Thank you for showing me what is really important in life. I will forever be changed because of you.
I carried you all your life and will cherish the time we had together for as long as I live. While you were with me you never knew anything except warmth, love, and happiness. I love knowing that Jesus greeted you when you first opened your eyes.
Though you may be physically gone, you will forever live on in my heart. I am thankful for the promise of heaven and eternity. I am hopeful that I will see you again one day.
I love you with all of my heart and cannot wait to see you. See you soon my sweet boy.
All my love,