Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The Inside Scoop

When I started this blog a little over a year ago, we were in the process of some serious changes.  We had a new baby and we were traveling across the country on our way to Hawaii.  I envisioned this blog as a place where I could share what we were doing all the way out here with our friends and family.  A place where we could share our stories and experiences, a place where we could share the beauty of our new home.  Obviously, this blog has turned in to so much more than just that.  Our lives have drastically changed and there is so much more to share on here than I could have ever imagined.  I guess it got me thinking recently about why do I blog and what is this all about.  I think some people think blogging is dumb and it is people who have no lives and just like to sit around and brag about what they are doing and how wonderful their families are.  Hmmmm, let's see, I will be the first to tell you that my family is wonderful and I would not be where I am today without any of them, but that is far from the reason I decided to blog more.  And do I have a life?  Well, yes I actually do!  I spend my days caring for a rambunctious toddler who never stops moving!  I don't get a whole lot of free time just to myself, but when I do, I try and make it productive for me.  And part of me being productive is writing this blog.

So why do I do it?

I blog because it is therapeutic for me.  It helps me to get my thoughts and feelings out in writing because a lot of times what I am feeling or thinking is hard to actually say.  It is a lot like journaling, except I am not keeping them private, I feel it is beneficial for everyone to see the ins and outs of our struggles, and the steps we have taken to work through them.

I blog for my sanity.  I spend my days with an 18 month old who is extremely cute and extremely active.  He keeps me going, in more ways than one, and I love him dearly for that.  He wears this momma out.  He speaks his own little language and is all about anything relating to cars, trucks, airplanes, or helicopters.  So needless to say, we do not have many truly meaningful conversations.  Yes, I spend time with friends, but they are mommies too!  We spend our time together changing diapers, chasing kiddos, on the edge of our seats, correcting, encouraging, supporting, and teaching our children.  It is hard to have a serious conversation in the midst of all the chaos, so this blog is one of my outlets.  Probably helps my husband too because some days I feel like I do not shut up when he walks through the door.  Ahhhh adult conversation, I know you all know what I am talking about!!!

I blog because somewhere out there is a dear family walking this same journey that we are walking.  A family who is unsure of how they are going to make it through the day.  A family who has no clue where to go from here.  I write this blog for them, in hopes that our story can be an encouragement for them.  I pray that our story will reach those that need to hear it because unfortunately we are not the only ones that will have to walk this path of the unknown.

I blog because these are the happiest days of my life.  I have so much to be thankful and grateful for and it is so important for me to focus on all that I do have, rather than what I do not have.

I blog because this is one of the scariest and darkest times of my life.  I am terrified of what is to come and I hate not knowing what the next few months will bring.

I blog because most do not know what it is like to walk down the road we are walking.  I want people to know how it feels to be in our shoes, not so they feel sorry for us, but so they can support us.  And support those around them who may one day walk in our shoes.  No one wants to talk about all this scary stuff, but it needs to be talked about and thats why I share our story.  I share our story so you think about what you say to a pregnant woman who is carrying a baby with a chromosome abnormality.  I share our story so you can love her for who she is and what she is doing.

I blog because we have hope.  No matter what the medical world tells us, or what the insensitive doctor tells us, we have hope and will never lose hope.

I blog because God is doing something pretty amazing in the lives of our sweet little family out here in Hawaii.

I blog because we want all of our friends and family to know specifically what is going on.  It is hard for Sam and I to tell everyone what is going on.  It is so much easier for me to get on here and write it all out, so we do not have to continuously repeat ourselves.

I blog because we all have our battles and trials.  Mine is not any harder than yours, but it is how we handle these battles that matter.  I share my story so people can relate, so people can find encouragement, so people can find strength to face their own storm.

I blog because you are all near and dear to our hearts and we want your support.  I strongly believe in the power of prayer and I share our story so you can pray for us and pray for our sweet Asher.

I blog because I want to remember every step of this journey.  There are days where I go back and read my blog from the beginning because some times I just feel like I am in a dream and don't believe it is all real.  The past few months have flown by, but in so many ways feel like they have dragged on.  Regardless, I do not want to forget any part of this process.  There is a perfect little boy growing inside of my belly, a boy who we created and gave life to, a boy that will forever and always be a huge part of our family.  Despite all of the emotions that have been wrapped up inside of me the past few months, the greatest is love.  I couldn't be more in love with Asher, he continues to bring us so much joy and laughter, despite all that is going on.  He has shown us the true meaning of love and how important is to really love those around us.

Carrying Asher has been such a blessing.  One of the hardest things I have ever done, but I would not trade it for anything in the world.  It was extremely important to me to have a family photo session done while I was pregnant because I wanted to capture us how we are right now.  We are smiling in these photos and happy together as a family, but I know that the emotions go so much deeper.  And I wanted to hold on to those memories forever.  These may be the only pictures we have of the 4 of us together, which makes them so near and dear to my heart.  I opted to get them taken sooner rather than later in the pregnancy because I just do not know how many days we have left with our sweet little boy.  I wanted to share a few of my favorites on the blog because this is a place where I am keeping our journey.  A place where one day I will want to and need to look back on this journey. A place where one day Micah will be able to read and see the the story he was a huge part of.  A place where I can clearly see how God is at work in our lives and using us in a mighty way.  A place where I can just be real and not worry about what people will think.  A safe place filled with so many emotions and lessons, a place that I am forever grateful for.

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