2016 has officially come to a close. It was a year of growth. A year of redemption. A year filled with a lot of restoration. A year of adventures. A year of togetherness. A year of hope. A year that warmed my heart. A year of some pretty awesome travel. A year of the best memories. A year that had its ups and downs. A year that we spent with two kids with us and one in heaven. A year of goodness. A year of failing, but getting back up to try again. A year of doing this parenting gig, somedays we failed miserably and others we are on top of the world! A year spent in beautiful Hawaii nei. A year of change because military life. A year of gratefulness and thankfulness. A year filled with love. A year spent with friends who I consider my family. A year that ended with a big move and the start of another new adventure. A year of so many celebrations. A year that I can look back on and say, look how far we have come. 2 years ago our world came crashing down on us, and here we are, 2 years later, thriving, and learning to find joy in all the things. Learning to live this life here now because we are not promised tomorrow. Learning to walk with Asher in our heart, always.
And just like that, the year is over. 2017 has come in and it is barreling like a freight train, at least for me it is! I am still trying to fathom that idea that it is 2017 and 2017 has me like a deer in the headlights so far. I just can't get my feet on the ground. Last night after the kids were sound asleep, I was sitting on the couch and had a pour it all out moment with my husband. I feel like life is just zooming by day after day and I can't keep up with it. I feel like I am always 100 steps behind and it feels so exhausting. My to do list is piled to the ceiling and then my house is filled with toys, toys everywhere except in that cute little playroom we created for the kids. And the laundry needs done and Micah needs new toothpaste for school because the one I sent was too spicy. And the laundry, oh the laundry. And butts need wiped. And food needs to be shopped for and dinner needs to be made. And besides all of that boring stuff, I have these super awesome dreams and goals and things I would like to achieve for myself. But I just feel like I am swimming and can't get a grip on any of it lately.
So, after that little pity party, I decided my word for the year needs to be grace. Already today, I have said that word over and over in my head many times (it's only 10am!). It seems like the absolute perfect word for my heart and for this crazy stage of life I am currently in.
Grace in all aspects of my life, grace that I am not the perfect mom. Grace that I most certainly do not have it all together. Grace that somedays my house is just going to be a toy ridden battlefield. Grace that it is okay to ask for help. Grace that I can rest in the midst of this chaos. Grace that I forgot to send thank you notes. Grace that I still haven't printed those pictures or created that baby album for Micah (he just turned 4). Grace that I am going to overreact at something my child does. Grace that the laundry is piling up and the sink is filled with dishes. Grace that there is spilled milk all over the floor. Grace that life is moving too fast and I want it to slow down. Grace that my patience is lacking. Grace that this overseas move has been really hard on my heart. Grace in those moments where I feel like I am failing and I am just not good enough. Grace that my to do list is taller than I am. Grace that I don't remember the last time I washed the sheets. Grace that sometimes it all just feels like such a heavy weight. Grace that this life thing is tough stuff. Grace upon grace upon grace upon grace. And repeat, grace upon grace upon grace upon grace.
When something tough happens, it is so easy to need God. It is so easy to get on your knees and pour out your heart to him. But in the day to day struggles of life and parenting, I tend to forget that I need God just as much in these moments too. This day to day stuff is tough business. Raising children and doing life is harder than I ever imagined. God cares about that and He wants and He needs to be at the heart of it.
I am committed to resting in His grace daily. These burdens are too heavy to carry on my own. I am going to cast my burdens on Him, the one who knows my heart. The one who knows my struggles right now. The one who I can rest in and the one who will fulfill me. The one who will fill my cup so that I can be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend that I can be. The one who freely gives us grace, so much grace that we most certainly do not deserve.
This grace is for all of us, so my friends, give yourself some grace today. Rest in the fact that we serve a God who has got it all covered. A God that knows your heart and knows just how you are feeling. A God who knows and will freely give you grace at all times. So take a little grace today and be okay with not having it all together.
|Photo Credit: Annie Groves Photography|