Thursday, March 6, 2014

Life is Precious

I am feeling rather mopey today and really missing home and all of the people that I love.  There are 4,718 miles separating me from home, which means a 10 hour plane ride and that isn't quite feasible right now.  If only I could just click my heels together like Dorothy and magically appear back in the place where life feels comfortable and familiar.  I'm thankful for my dear mom who just spent over an hour talking with Micah and I on FaceTime, already I'm feeling a lot better!  Isn't technology wonderful?

With that said, Sam and I have decided that is is best for us to stay in Hawaii throughout the remainder of the pregnancy.  We will be staying close to home and having baby Asher here, so he will be our little Hawaiian baby : )  We have plane tickets home in May and boy are we anxious to get home to see our families, but all of our travel plans are up in the air at this point.  Our primary focus right now is Asher and doing whatever we need to do for him.  I have been reading story after story about babies with Trisomy 13 and the best advice I found was to do whatever you need for your child, instead of to your child.  So we are doing what we feel is necessary for baby Asher.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in negativity and think why me when things happen that are out of your control.  I would love to go back a few weeks and change the path that we are currently traveling on, but that is not possible.  My dad always said, you are just one phone call away from your world being turned upside down.  You know, the same reason why he insists on not having cell phones at the dinner table.  His exact words, "If I am going to get bad news, I at least want to enjoy my dinner first."  Comical, yes, but until recently those words never meant anything more than dad just being goofy dad.  Yeah, yeah, bad news, okay dad whatever you say.  Well here I am years later, and I am the one receiving those phone calls.  I do not wish these type of phone calls on anyone, but the reality is, they are going to come, life is hard, life is messy, and stuff is going to happen that is way out of our control.

So here we are, in the midst of what I feel like is a bit of a nightmare.  I want to keep my focus on all the lessons baby Asher has already started teaching me.  This little boy may be small, but he sure does have a BIG hold on my heart.  It has been 2 days since his diagnosis and my eyes have been opened so much.

First things first, life is precious, so very precious.  This life that we have been given can be taken from us at anytime, we have no guarantee of tomorrow.  Phew, that is hard to hear, but inspires me to live everyday like it is our last and to love those around me like I may not see them again.  Please enjoy the life you have and try to always look for the good in life because it can be ripped away from us at anytime.  Thank you baby Asher for teaching mommy that life is special and we need to make the most of the time we have here.

After thinking of every reason why I did not want to go to the commissary yesterday, my husband came home early from work, so I insisted that it was best we take a family trip to the store.  As I was standing outside the commissary waiting for Sam and Micah, this crazy thought popped in to my head.  Here I am, kind of lost in my own little world and all of these people around me are just going about their own lives.  So many people walked past me and never even looked my way.  I want people to know about Asher and how he is changing our lives, but if no one asks how will anyone ever know?   Do I look different to them?  Do I look like I have been crying?  Do I look like my heart is breaking?  How often do we get caught up in our own little worlds that we forget to ask those around us how they are really doing?   Not just say how are you, but genuinely ask them how they are doing and actually be interested in their response.  Goodness, I have a social work degree.  I love people and I love hearing about people's problems, yet I am still so guilty of not actually talking to people.  I feel bad for all the times I have walked by people and never thought to ask how are they doing.  Maybe that person is going through something just as tough as I am.  Who am I to think that my problems are bigger and more important than the next person's?  They aren't, and what I am trying to say is we all need each other.  We need to reach out and help each other and actually care about those around us, even if they are complete strangers.

Oh baby Asher, look how much you have opened my eyes in just a few short days.  You were totally sent here to rock our world, flip it upside down, and make us better people because of it.  Please continue to open our eyes and show us how we should truly live our lives.  Mommy loves you so much and I am so thankful and grateful for you sweet boy.

Here are a few of life's precious moment's from the past few days:
This kid loves his dogs


A cool evening on the porch

Little boy with pink shoes, I'd say he looks good in pink!

This is our goofy boy, he has such a personality on him!

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