Some days feel perfectly normal. But then I am quickly drawn back in to the reality and the seriousness of the road ahead. The fact that we are always on the edge of our seats. The fact that we had to officially cancel our plane tickets back to the east coast. We were supposed to fly in mid May to see our families, but have decided it is best we stay here in Hawaii. The fact that we have several doctors appointments a month. The fact that I really do not feel like myself. The fact that I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. The fact that it is difficult to plan anything days or weeks out. Facts are facts.
I have to remind myself several times a day that I am not in control. This path is exhausting and I can definitely feel it wearing on me. The verse, "Be still and know that I am God..." speaks volumes to me and I have to repeat it several times a day. He is not just some homely looking dude off the street, He is God, the creator of all things. The One who is writing our story right now is entirely in control and actually knows what He's doing. There are days where I think He is totally crazy and I feel like this is all too much, but somehow He manages to give me the strength and energy to just keep going. It's like how people always ask well if God is so great and mighty, then why does He let bad things happen to good people? For the record, I consider us to be good people, just thought I should clear that up : ) Anyways, it is building us, molding us, shaping us, into the obedient and diligent followers that we are called to be. Nothing in life that is worth it is easy and this falls right into that category. If life was always a walk in the park, then our faith would not be tested, and therefore we would not grow. The bad always always always has a purpose and always always always produces something bigger and better than we could ever imagine. So no matter how many crappy days we have, or how many days we feel like throwing in the towel, I am reminded that there is meaning in the struggle and there will be beauty in the struggle. The real question is how in the world are we so deserving of this grace?
I want to share this song with you that a dear friend sent to me a while back. We always have music playing at our house and this is one song that I may listen to a few times a day, okay maybe a lot more than a few, but you get the point. It is so powerful and so perfectly puts to words how I feel.
"Though you slay me, Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me, I will bless your name
Though you ruin me, Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who's all I need "
People probably think we are nuts dealing with Asher the way we have and remaining so positive and hopeful despite what the medical world says. This song captures why we will continue to worship and praise His name despite feeling that He has taken things away from us and left us quite broken. He will always be all that we ever need and I know that I need to remind myself of that always because life is so daunting sometimes. No way we would be where we are without Him, so regardless of what is going on around us, we will continue to be thankful and grateful.
|Easter Egg Hunt|
|Easter family picture|
|Waterfall hike with a baby on my back, baby in my belly, one of my friends AND a almost 3 year old! I think we were feeling a lot like super mom that day : )|
|View at the top made it well worth the trek up there, and I do mean up there!|
|Hanging with daddy before the egg hunt|
|This is our goofy Micah who brings us so much joy!|
|Airplane and helicopter book, happiest boy ever right here!|
|Beach day with friends|
|Checking out the animals at the zoo|
|Mommy and Micah|
|Who actually sits in their stroller, standing is much more fun!|
|Another day at the beach!|
|First boogie board ride, I think it was a hit!|
|Future boodie boarder, making Poppy proud!|